The Trouble With Curves: Holy Control-top Pantyhose.... Batman!

My original intent for starting this blog was to be accountable for and document my attempt to improve my overall physical health. However, the more posts I create the more I realize my physical health is only part of the equation. The bigger battle is improving my mental health. What is the point in having an appropriate BMI and fat to muscle ratio if you can't handle the curves of life..... that is like putting high performance tires on a tinker toy.

Pointless!

I have a dream.... in this dream I am a carefree, bohemian woman. A woman to takes surprises by the balls and transforms them into amazing adventures that others ohh and ahh over. There is only one itsy bitsy road block to my realizing this dream- I do not like surprises. Sure, I love the thought of being surprised, but more time than not surprises, big or small, fill me with angst. As soon as these little "curves" occur I switch into desperate micro-management mode trying to mitigate the damages and regain control over the situation. I actively take measures to reduce and eliminate the possibility of surprises. Structured routines, rules and to-do-lists are like the warm fuzzy lounge pants of my life. They make my day tolerable and keep my angst levels to a dull roar. The only problem is when these tools fail.... I feel like I have failed and my frustration, in my abilities and with life, grows.

I thought I was happy.... until I realized I wasn't.

Contemplating my "To- Do-List"

Progressively over 2014 I found myself randomly saying "I'm tired.". Sometimes it was just a thought, sometimes I would blurt it out loud in the middle of an activity. When it first happened I took it at face value- I must be tired and need a break. But one day, when this thought overtook me, I happened to do a quick body scan.

I did not feel mentally tired....

I did not feel the bone weary tiredness that comes with physical effort.

Curious.....

What could this all be about. If I was not tired why was my mouth randomly blurting out, in Tourette's fashion. This pattern continued and increased in frequency until I realized that my body and brain were trying to tell me something that my conscience was desperately trying to deny!

I am in a rut... a trench of my own making if you please. My endless routines, rules and rituals have been successful in protecting me from the surprises but they have become a buzz kill and are slowly sucking the joy out of my life.

The big question was what to do about.

Luckily a book I read this summer seemed to have the answer. The book was called "Picked the Wrong Guy. Gave Him the Wrong Finger." I had bought it because the title made me laugh out loud in the store. The premise of the story is the main character encountered a major curve ball in her life and spent the next 10 years building a protective cocoon around herself. When she finally realized she was in a rut, her BBF was more than excited to help create a set of challenges help her give up the need to control everything.

The making of the Jar

The more I thought about it, the more this type of shake up seemed to be the answer. Introduce small daily surprises into my routine with the hopes that these changes will have a ripple effect and lead to bigger life changes.

It can't hurt right!

Nothing ventured.... nothing gained.

On my birthday I decided I was 100% invested in committing to this project. Change..... that would my gift to myself. Over the last few days of December I brainstormed, with the help of my Facebook peeps, re small doable changes that I will do each day.

Jar of Possibilities

To minimize my need to control, the next daily challenge will be randomly selected from the Jar of Possibilities the night before the challenge is to occur. I will complete the challenge the next day or in the case of some of the multi-day challenges, as soon as possible. This will mean re-tooling, juggling and chaos. All words that make my heart flutter and panic rise.

2015 is going to be a growth year..... I can't wait.

My first challenge-