Bedtime Tetris Goes Amiss!

Safety warning: This post contains some pretty gross content.  It is advisable not to eat or drink 30 minutes before or during the reading of this blog.

Safety Crew-  Forewarning Blog readers since 2021

As many of my friends, family and co-workers return to work today I am thanking the sweet baby Jesus that I took today off.  Yes, after a month off I am kinda dreading my return to the working world.  But my gratitude this morning has nothing to do with avoiding the inevitable, it is because I was able to sleep-in after a night of very little sleep.  

Jan 3 and the early morn of Jan 4 ushered in gastrointestinal issues.... not mine.. the animals, specifically the cat and dogs.  It seems the cat decided that the pooling of my new curtains on the floor would make a delightful alternative to his litter box.  Being old and arthritic, the walk downstairs is starting to prove to be too much for him and I have noticed he is having more and more poo accidents throughout the house.  By the time I found where he relieved himself, "someone" had cleaned up the mess, but there was still a stain in the curtain to deal with.  Sighing, I grabbed the cleaner and hoped that my $20 find was not permanently ruined.  Luckily the stain came out quick and with the lighting of some matches, the air was cleansed.  

Later that morning I caught a repeat whiff of that same offending odour.  The clock started ticking and I was racing against the dogs to be the first to locate the poo.  I moved from room to room and corner to corner playing a game of hot/cold..... nope the smell is getting fainter..... oooohhh it's stronger.... now fainter.  I was successful in being the first to find the new deposit... a small victory.  What I didn't count on was Ferg being a close second and his insistence re helping with the clean-up in Aisle 7.  He tucked into the sample, like it was a Wagu steak and couldn't understand why I was shrieking and carrying on when I returned to the room with paper towel. 

GAG ME WITH A SPOON!  

Definitely not the way I wanted to start my morning. Needless to say, Ferg had his teeth and tongue brushed twice yesterday.  If only they made industrial strength Listerine for dogs.  

Editor's note:  My Mom was on the phone with me when this all went down and had a few chuckles at my expense.  She felt the topic was too indecent to write about but I pointed out that anyone with pets has probably had their own poo-aficionado story that they have been equally traumatized by.  It is the darker side of pet ownership that they don't tell you about.  There is a reason that I have had to build this barricade around the litter box downstairs.... it's not just for the aesthetics.  

Protective walls of the litter box fort

The rest of the day was a delightful blur of cooking my Good Food meals starting to check work emails and tidying up the house.  If I had known what was in store for me latter that night I would have had a nap!

Good Food- Slow Cooker Beef Bourguignon

Who Pays the Bills???

As many people know from my Facebook posts, the dogs and I have an unofficial competition to be the first to get into bed.  They typically win, as I have to shut off the lights and close the door so the cat can't pester us with his slow stalking and constant narration of what he is doing from the moment he gets off the couch to the time he gets on the bed.... tres annoying!  I am typically left trying to squeeze into any decent sized spot that remains unclaimed.  When this doesn't work, I have to slide and lift the dogs around until I have a spot that I can fit in.  This has been my nightly work-out since I can remember and has become even more intense since the addition of Oakley to the furry herd.  

Well two nights ago I tried an experiment.  I made all three sit/stay while I closed the door, turned off the light and got into bed.  Once comfortable, I gave them their release word..... "FREE".  Man this is my new fav training technique... even though Whisper tends to break, prior to the FREE being issued.  I used it again last night and basked in the space I had around me!  Total game changer.

Sleep was pleasurable until I was woken by the guttural-  Uuuugh, uuugh, uuugh that happens right before an animal vomits.  Poor Oaks had an upset stomach.  Thankfully he is a gentleman and moved to the floor to vomit vs upchucking on the bed.  As I backed away from the scene to get paper towel for clean-up, my left foot encountered something cold and wet.... 

WHAT THE!!!!!!!

At first I thought it was another vomit spot from earlier in the evening, that I happened to sleep through....

NOPE!!!

It was a big puddle of pee.  Whisper's pregnant bladder could not withstand the tsunami of urine that was pressing on it and she let loose by the bed.  

I hobbled out of the room trying to reduce the contact that my pee-soaked foot had with the floor.  Of course my upstairs paper towel supply had run out, so I had to make my way downstairs to get more, after washing my foot off in the tub.  Floor washed and sanitized, I went to return to bed only to find out that all three dogs had taken advantage of my absence and were stretched out over 3/4's of the bed surface.  I tried to move them, but they seem to have discovered that going extremely noodley makes it harder for me to scoot them over.   I demanded that they move.... the response was "Sorry we are sleeping we can't hear you!".  I begged and whined but to no avail.  All that was left for me was the bottom 1/4 of the bed with a little piece on the side.  Resigned to my fate, I grabbed a spare pillow and blanket and proceed to try to make myself as comfortable as possible sleeping basically in an L-shape.  

Ex of the scene post clean-up

As you can expect, this type of positioning is not conducive to sleeping.  I tried reading, hoping that it would bring on the Zzzz's, but it took many chapters before I was remotely sleepy.  Eventually I did manage a short nap until my groaning hip woke my up, insisting that I find a different position.  Unfortunately not one of the dogs had shifted their position during this time... which is rare.  

It was time to put my foot down.  I figured the boys would be easier to move than Whisper who remained fully stretched out with her head on the my pillow.  I started with Oakley who thankfully was relatively easy to slide until he was positioned under Whisper.  Next on the hit list was Ferg.  He did not make it easy.  I poked and prodded him which managed to get him to lift his head off the pillow but his body was not budging.  I eventually had to reach under his hips and back and hoist him up and off the bed, not an easy feat with a 75lbs dog.  

Ex. Smushing by Ferg

Ferg sat by the edge of the bed and was my audience as I stretched out and made myself comfortable in the spot he was just evicted from.  Even in the dark I could read his thoughts-  "Why ya gotta ruin a good thing? I am the innocent one here.... no vomiting, no peeing!!!!" 

Well, pay back is a bugger.  Once I settled,  Ferg jumped back on the bed and instead of going to the free bottom corner  he decided that I would make an awesome sleeping surface.  Normally I am fine with Ferg laying on me, as he is like a giant weighted blanket, but two things made this less than enjoyable last night.  

a) The elbow to my sternum followed by the strong arm to my trachea as he draped over my body. 

b) His constant attempts to lick my face.  No thank-you.... mister potty mouth!!!!

It took turning on my side to buy me some peace and quiet and two more hours of sleep.  

It definitely is going to be a caffeine fueled day!