Well Dear Reader, as much as I tried to get all my Rally adventures and the life that happened inbetween down on paper by Dec 31, 2024 it obviously didn’t happen. I could just forget about it and move on, but you would be missing out on some head shaking content, so I figured I better shake my tail feathers and get the last three 2024 Rally posts done before our 2025 Rally season begins. Here is a flash back to late June/early July 2024.
I arrived at my parent’s house a wounded Rally Warrior. I needed a cane to move around and my knee still remained double its size. One would think that my state of disrepair would have bought me at least one day of R N R, but you would be wrong. It afforded me exactly 12 hours of grace, 8 of which I frittered away sleeping.
The next morning, my Mother was out partaking in her favourite summer past time, digging in her garden. I went out to sit on the step to keep her company. She was having none of it. If she was working, I could be working. Heaven forbid… I still had two perfectly good arms and one functional leg, all of which could be used to butt scoot down the side walk, while pulling the withering leaves off of all her tulips. Ohh yeah, and since I was down there already, could I weed the mulch as well!!!I may be injured but that didn’t mean that I could rest on my laurels and feel sorry for myself. It was time to woman up and partake in useful occupations during my convalescent period.
What it all boiled down to is my Mom was not ready to give up on her “Max Do” list that she had spent a year curating to perfection. Yes, my Mother doesn’t have a “Honey Do list”, she has a “Max Do list”. I think this would be a good time to point out that none of my other three siblings, all of who live in the same province, have a list. This is a “special” treat Mummy reserves specifically for me… the one who shares her vision and who is the easiest to guilt into helping. She spends all year adding to this list and my goal when I visit, is to knock as much off of the list as possible. In compensation I receive lodging, minimal complaints about dirty dog paw prints in her house and deluxe breakfasts like waffles, pancakes or toads in the hole!
Now before you start thinking my Mother is the hard a$$ parent, I should share my Dad’s favourite go to saying whenever we belly ache or look for some understanding. It goes something like this… “You know where sympathy falls in the dictionary… between $hit and syphillis!” It may sound harsh but it has the desired effect. We pull up our socks and stop dwelling on what is holding us back and just get on with life. In my family, you can feel sorry for yourself but that sorry state has a short shelf-life! Forged in fires of childhood, I can’t seem to shake the “Just Get Over It” pattern in adulthood.
Garden weeded and tulips de-leaved I scooted my way back to the steps, so that I could leverage my way up into standing and make it into the house to make a Physio appointment for my knee. I had a week and change, to try and get it functional for the next Rally competition… no time to loose.
Tuesday evening, Dad invited us to the Lodge for a pizza party. Who would turn up an evening of not needing to cook.. not these chicks! My Dad, also having impacted mobility, was very worried about my knee. He started pontificating about his tried and true remedies for making his joints feel better and insisted that I needed to apply A535 to my knee. The way he talked about it, one would think I would be ready to jig around the room within seconds of applying the cream.Knowing him, resistance would have been futile and the only sure way to move on to another topic was to cave and start A535ing. As I was applying a dollup of “magic cream” onto my knee, Dad decided he also needed some and asked my Mother to apply it to his knee. Now Mom could have gone for the nearly full tube of A535, but she was on a mission to show us just how much cream remains in an empty tube!
“You would be SURPRISED to see how much cream is still in that tube… don’t you dare think of throwing it out!!!! That’s wasteful!”.
She worked that tube over like a mob enforcer and sure enough out shot a huge glob of cream… TOO MUCH CREAM!!!! She applied some to Dad’s Leftie while he applied some to the base of his neck. There was still an abundance of cream in her palm. She applied some to Dad’s Rightie, but there was still too much cream. A moment of panic ensued as Mom sized up her options. There is no way to put the cream back in tube, as the opening is too small. There were no other containers to store the surplus and heaven forbid she just wash or wipe it off, after her “Don’t be wasteful” spiel. That left the only feasible alternative… she started applying A535 to her knees.
Yes Dear Reader I have reached an age where instead of going out to bars and trendy restaurants I spend my evenings having Pizza Parties in nursing homes and participating in group A535ing. As the realization of how my social standing had fallen I started laughing and commented to my parents “The family that pizza’s and A535 together, stays together!” We all burst out laughing and couldn’t quit. The abs definitely got a work out that night, it’s a good thing we still had plenty of A535 to apply to our aching abs. 😁
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Hopefully the raw sex appeal of this picture does not overcome you! |
The Physio gods were on my side and I scored an appointment on Wednesday and thank goodness I did, as the A535 and Aleve had done sweet twit all at reducing the pain, swelling and improving my mobility. The verdict was the fibula, which had been dislocating prior to this, was in place, but I tweaked my MCL in Pukaskwa. The Physio taped it and gave me a daily exercise routine to complete… more things to add to the Max Do List and trust me with my Mother around there was no way I would be able to skip the exercises. My Dad can attest, she is an Exercise Over Lord!. See, Mom abhors wasted potential and like the Army she wants us to be all that we can be. If exercise or diet can improve a situation or outcome, than no ands ifs or buts about it, you will be exercising and eating appropriately under her watch.
The Diarrhea Saga Continues
About 15 minutes later, Mom has her nose up in the air sniffing. “I smell poo!” With her nose still pointed up in the area she starts following the scent, bound and determined to find the “evidence”!!! A second later she blurts out “Ohhh, maybe that is just the rice!!!!”. Yup, Lyndy I hope you like poo smelling econo rice, as you will be on it until we can clear up the diarrhea!.
The Breach
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2024 Border Control |
“Look they tried to get into the large garden but… Hee Hee… they couldn’t get in!. Oooooooh they are trying again… they FAILED!!!!!”
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Dirty Dastardly Dogs! |
Hazel had to prove the Lyndy isn’t the only clever one, and somehow managed to get trapped in with my Mom’s caged in lilies and irises. We still don’t know how she managed it, but there she was amongst the flattened iris and lillies when we opened the back door. Lyndy was on the other side of the fence and if she could talk she would be saying “It’s not just me!!!”
Hazel’s other goal for the duration of the trip was to “weed “ around the corners of pavers. Now if she just left it as edging I’m sure Mom would have appreciated her efforts, but she took it a step farther and dug deep… you know to make sure she got all the roots! Mom’s “fix” was filling in the hole and then dropping a large rocks from the front yard on the top of the freshly excavated corners. By the time we left, there were rocks at the corner of every paver and very little decorative rocks in the front yard. Hazel appears to have inherited Great Grandma’s love of digging!
The Thief
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Lyndy’s frame job! |
Chutes and Ladders the Dad Version…
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Prairie Sky Drama |
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Rightie post boom! |
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Screw That! Leftie |
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Not dirt.. A Honking Bruise |
Clear Lake Bound
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Clear Lake |
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OMG! So Embarassing! |
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Seriously… Soooooo Embarasssing!!! |
Bon Voyage ‘70’s
Rally Woes!
Dad surprised me and wanted to come and watch me, Ferg and the Ladies compete. Dogs really aren’t my Dad’s cup of tea, let alone a show that is dedicated to them. I didn’t think he would last long, but he ended up enjoying himself and stayed until the end.The Portage show ended up being a hard one for the Herd and not the most excellent example of our team work for my Dad to watch. By the time the show arrived Ferg was done with Rallying and was the pokiest of pokey puppies. Everything about him was extremely slow… jumps, sits, heels, everything had a time lag. I had to adjust my speed from rocket speed with Hazel to putt, putt, putt with Ferg. That worked until we hit the slow pace signs on the course. Slow pace has to be slower than normal pace. When normal is slow, slow becomes sloth pace and it feels like you are stationary. Torturous when you can see the finish line, but have to proceed at a snail’s pace until you cross the line.
The Portage show wasn’t just hard for the dogs. I apparently lost my ability to count when walking backward and messed up the 1, 2, 3 backward sign time after time. So much so the Judge couldn’t watch it anymore and provided me with a quick tutorial at the end of yet another run that I messed up the sign.
Ferg managed to complete one out of three Master’s run, no thanks to me and also managed to earn his RAE title.
Lyndy was undone by her FOMO. There was a hyper Lab that decided playing with the toys in the ring was way more entertaining than competing and ran around with reckless abandon. Lyndy was not happy that he was having so much fun and she was relegated to her crate and started barking up a storm. She held it together for Day One and earned one leg toward her RAE but didn’t pass her Master’s level run. The next day she managed to eke out a pass in her Master’s run, earning her first leg, but decided to run away from me and give to the same hyped up Lab a piece of her mind during the middle of our Advanced run. If she can’t have fun and frolic, no one should be frolicking around her!!! I decided to pull her from the Monday run, so she could decompress and recover from her FOMO!
Hazel was undone by a small little red and white bear. She was not the only one. Over 3/4’s of the teams ended up with a non-qualifying score in their Master and Excellent run on Day One thanks to that tempting little toy. As soon as she would spot it, she would make a bee-line for it and start playing. As the course was set up almost the same for Master’s, Excellent and Advanced. She did the first few signs in her Master’s run, went over the jump, spotted the toy that was directly in front of the jump and ran over to play with it. During the Excellent run she knew where the toy was and wanted to make sure I knew that she knew. As soon as we started walking forward she ran over to retrieve the toy. She was happy… me not so much! In Advance, the toy was removed and replaced by a cone, but that didn’t stop Hazel from running to where the toy had been and then looking for where it got moved. Her highest score over the weekend was 96 out of 100 in Advanced, as there were no toys. She NQ’d all of her Master’s runs.

We Survived Rally Dinner!
There was one moment in our last run when I thought for sure I was going to take Hazel out. The sign required us to simultaneously spin to the right. I cued her to start her spin to the righ and then I started spinning, but I lost my balance and she bumped into my leg at the exact same time. It felt like I was doing a Matrix slow motion move as I tried to right myself and not fall on her. We made it out and no one was flattened! Whew!
A huge shout out to the Portage District Kennel Club for hosting a great show, especially given the unexpected loss of a key member of their organizing committee several days before. The ring stewards and helpers were amazing as always and made sure everything ran efficiently, which was appreciated. Another huge thank-you to the Judges, David Denis and Stephen Hazelwood, for the very challenging courses and for helping to reteach me how to count when walking backward.
Mom, my sister and I celebrated with dinner from Chicken Chef, the best chicken joint around. My sister wanted to treat us to ice cream for desert. I was told that I could order whatever I wanted, so I decided to get two scoops of Unicorn Toots… only because it was funny to hear her order it! Who knew toots tasted so delicious! It turned out to be a new favourite flavour, so a win for me!!!
I leave you with some pictures of dramatic prairie skies… just cause they make me smile.
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We Survived Rally Dinner! |
Ok, that was one of the funniest things I've read in a while Max. Yikes, on the knee and injuries from the ladder. I love stories you tell. KD
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