Meh....Bleck and Elastic Hearts

It has been a while since I have written anything in the Blog.... since the end of August to be exact.  The reason this lull in writing?

It seems the universe has conspired to grind my blogging to a halt this fall......

First off I was stricken with a homesickness so devastating all I could fathom writing was things like this.....

I wallow, you wallow... we all wallow!

"I feel my life is currently itchy scratchy and something that I want to escape from.  I know that next week this feeling will have pass.... it always does.  But for now I am going to wallow....wallow like the Queen of Wallow."

Not very joyful is it?

Who wouldn't miss a brother like this...
of course he misses me more!

It never fails.  I head off to the prairies and come back broken by my desire to be in two places at once.  I love where I live.  I love the life I have made for myself on the Great Lakes but there is something about the beauty of the prairies that makes my heart ache and my eyes well up with tears.  All it takes is the sight of tractor, or acres and acres of wheat waving gently in the breeze and it's game over for me.

The prairies hold my family, my childhood, everything that I was and hoped to be.  The Great Lakes hold everything that I have become and my dreams for the future.  My love for both places causes conflict and infinite sorrow because I can't experience both simultaneously.  I have often thought that it would be marvellous if the "black hole" from Looney Tunes was real.  I could throw it against a wall, step through and be at home on the prairies or home here.  Mere seconds vs hours and hours would separate my two worlds.

Alas, the fantasy will never be a reality.

Water rocks- as they are called by my nephew

This year I returned from my prairie trip to be thrust into work, work, work.  It has been a marathon Fall, what with co-writing a proposal for a big project, collaborating with outside agencies to expand service options, orientating new staff (three within three months) and trying to keep up with the daily demands of my caseload.  I pretty much have been living at work.  The "free" time I've had has been spent sleeping, avoiding illness and amusing the dogs.  The dogs getting the raw end of the stick on this one; as I will choose sleeping over amusing any day.

I long to don my Ghilles

While all this was happening one of my coping mechanisms was temporarily suspended.   Physio decreed "No dance for me"  in October.  My fall in Killarney Park did more that sprain my ankle.  It displaced a bone in my foot and my tibia.  Both bones have been repositioned, but the damage caused a nerve to adhere.  Until the nerve is free there will be no dancing.  It seems the absence of dance  has decreased my funny and increased my grumpy factor.  Walking the dogs has even been challenging due to the pain in my ankle.   Thank-goodness for puppy frolics in the park; without which my and the dogs sanity would have been in jeopardy.

In November I was starting to warm up to the idea of blogging again, but this desire came to a grinding halt at the end of the month.... a younger cousin past away.  I had not been in contact with him for a long time, but it was still shocking news.   I cannot fathom what his immediate family is going through.  His death has left me speechless and filled with sorrow.... sorrow for his family and sorrow for a world that is missing out on his presence and what he still had to offer.    I find myself thinking of him often over the last few weeks-  his sense of humour, his passion for his children, his drive to make it on his own and his warmth of personality- so like our Grandma A.   I guess that is all I can do-  remember and honour.  So here's to R!   Thank-you for bringing laughter and richness to my youth.

With all this going on I figured I needed to devote some time to healing and dealing.   My decompression month has started  and  I find the frequency of my spontaneous tears and swearing is slowly decreasing.  I think that means I am on the mend.

I am ready to blog again.