Living on the Edge- A Tale of Bedtime Woe

When I first got Gimli I had two golden rules.... no barking and no dogs on the bed.  See the bed was strictly for me and for the cats.  The fur family lived by these rules for 10 years and then came Ferg.

Now the house only has one rule.... no barking.  

I claim this bed in the name of all Fergi!

What of the no dogs on the bed rule????????

Well, Ferg heard that rule, snickered and promptly claimed his spot on the bed.  Gimli being the "well trained" dog that he is continues to adhere to rules and sleeps on his perfectly comfortable bed on the floor.... thank the powers that be!

You want in here? What's the password???

I find I don't mind sharing the bed with Ferg in fact it is nice to have a cuddle before falling asleep, but what I to take exception with is the bed to human ratio that Ferg has worked out.  See it goes something like this.  Ferg space= 3/4 of the bed; human and cat= 1/4, if we are lucky.   

There is only one solution, each night there is a race to get to into bed first.  It is an unspoken competition, but a competition that sets the tone for sleepy time.

But your pillow is more comfortable

On the nights when I am quick, I get room to move around and stretch out....... oh delight!!!!    

On the nights when I am not.... it could go one of two ways.  Ferg may leave my small section of bed that I can skooch into  or as typically happens I have to pry and fight to claim even a small fraction of the bed.  I first attempt to remove his gargantuan head from my pillow, which typically flops back into it's resting spot while I try to lift and move his torso.  I push.  I walk to the other side of the bed and try to lift and pull... but Ferg is determined not to help.  I often will give up and lye back on him, thinking the crushing weight of my body will entice him to move.... it never does.  

With time and perseverance I am eventually able to move him enough that I eek out a spot, hovering on the edge of the bed.   I am a sweaty sticky mess but at least I am in the bed.  

Ferg sighs!   Probably thinking "Ohh human why do you even bother?  Maybe you should invest in a cot..... but I would probably want that too!"

While he is busy readjusting to the fact that he has to share the bed I am trying  to figure out a way to sling my right arm so that it is not dangling over the side of the bed. 

I don't get to bent out of shape when I loose as I know I just have to wait.  10 seems to be the magic number.  At the 10 minute mark,  Ferg moves over confident in the knowledge at he was the winner of the evening.  

Now you are probably thinking why don't you just get in on the other side of the bed.  Well dear reader, I am sad to report that Ferg has cottoned onto that game changer and he now stretches width wise across the bed, ensuring that there is no easy win.  The hazards of caring for a smart dog.  

Since I have been on vacation I have realized that Ferg has developed ingenious ways of reclaiming/encroaching on hard won human territory.  Ferg is an on the bed off the bed type of sleeper.   It is when he returns to bed, that, he sows the seeds that will help him maximize his space.    

His tactic is to snuggle in tightly to my side or my back.   At first I thought he did this because he loves me and frankly I was not discouraging it, as I keep the heat on low at night and the extra warmth is appreciated.  But just the other night I recognized this behaviour for what it is..... a space claiming technique.  As soon as I roll or get out of bed, Ferg's body, lacking the bracing from mine, rolls into some of the space I was inhabiting.  Genius really, but highly annoying when you are the one trying to get back into bed.  It's a good thing I have perfected my sheet sling technique for my right arm.  I am just bracing for the day when I fall out of the bed because of Ferg's need to have it all.  

I guess this post really shows who wears the pants in this family and those pants are made of fur!